Saturday, 18 June 2016

Things I Hate About Myself.

For today's post, I thought I'd do something different. Throughout my life, I have dealt with many body issues and things that I think we all go through as people when we are learning to accept who we are. So I thought I would write about the things that I don't like about myself. Just for kicks. No, joking. I thought I'd write about my body issues to try and help anyone else out that might be going through the same thing and let them know that they are not alone. So, here we go, the horror that is me.

I'm Fat. There's no way around it. My thighs rub together. My upper arms wave more than my hands. My belly stops me from seeing my feet and my clothing size isn't readily available in many shops. I am a fat person. I've tried every diet going but without the motivation and state of mind that's needed to stick to them, I always fail

I have Psoriasis.
As a baby, my Mum said that I had a strawberry shaped patch of dry skin over my face. They thought that it wouldn't fade, but it did. Then a few years later I got eczema all over my skin and on my scalp. I got given steroid creams and shampoos to deal with it and alas it would all slowly fade away and I'd be fine. Then last year I went back to the doctors as my scalp was playing up, it was sore and dandruff galore (think Alison in Breakfast Club) and I had little red patches all over my skin.....I had psoriasisMy scalp is sore, behind my ears are sore and I have odd patches on my back, belly, bottom and elbows. To treat it I currently use Diprobase cream followed by a Vitamin D cream called Dovonex. For my scalp, I use Betnovate Scalp Application. This is a steroid solution that helps to rid my scalp of the dry, flaky *ew* skin which makes me look like I have bad dandruff. It works a treat, but it can sting like hell when applied to sore parts. I also tend to wear lighter clothing and also take evening primrose oil and omega 3 capsules.

I have Hirsutism.
FACIAL HAIR. WHYYYY??? I've been dealing with this for nearly 10 years now and it just takes the piss. I had to start to shave my chin/neck/upper lip area when I was just 14 as the hair was SO embarrassing and upsetting. I still do it to this day and it's one of the most de-womanising things to do. I hate it. It gets me down more than you could imagine. I've tried electrolysis, laser removal, depilatory creams and the whole ten yards, but it still continues to fuck me off. I currently just stick to the disposable razor, tweezers and a handy bag full of good makeup.  I also have been taking pure spearmint capsules for the past month as spearmint is supposed to help slow down the growth of the hair, but time will only tell. 

I have PCOS.
PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which literally means I have cysts on my ovaries *yaaaay*. I found this out when I was just a wee 15-year-old lass. (PCOS can cause infertility, hirsutism, irregular periods, weight problems, etc) It was a shock to hear, but it made everything else make sense like my irregular periods, the excess hair and my weight. As a 15-year-old it wasn't a big deal as I thought I didn't want kids, but now that I'm getting older it does scare me a little as I want a child in the future and this may hinder my chances... PCOS comes with quite a few problems. Besides the huge impact on my ability to have children, I have the irregular periods, the hair, the weight, the depression... It's a pain in the arse which unfortunately 7/100 women will suffer with. I think as I've had it for so long I've just gotten used to it, I've dealt with its side effects in the best ways I can, but I definitely hope things look up in the future.

I have depression.
I've dealt with symptoms of depression since I was younger since my school days as I was a target for unwanted comments and remarks about myself so it's always been a part of my life. I didn't do anything about it until my Mum was diagnosed with cancer in July 2014 and I knew I needed help in dealing with things. I went to my doctor and he prescribed me tablets that help me with my day to day life. My symptoms include no motivation, wanting to sleep all the time, crying, mood swings, feeling like shit....etc. When my mum died I didn't think I'd be able to cope let alone sit here and blog about it. Dealing with depression isn't something that you do overnight, I've been dealing with it for 2 years now full on and you don't realise just how much the tablets work until you don't have them for a few days. I don't think I could've coped properly without them, which is sad because I never thought I'd be someone who'd depend on drugs. I think having support around you is very important too. My boyfriend has been like a rock, he's not perfect and sometimes says the wrong things, but he's helped me out a ton.

I also don't like: the gap in my front teeth, my big nose, my stretch marks, my acne scars, my hairy legs and arms, the fact that I'm 'heavy footed', my dry/split ended hair, my stubby fingers, my muffin top, my hooded eyebrows and my name a few.

All of these things are things within my body that can sometimes make me cry, but they do not define who I am. I may not have been born with perfect baby soft skin or have an athletic slim figure, but it doesn't make me any different from any other girl out there. We may look different but we all deal with shit like this, we just don't talk about it. So I thought I'd lay it all out and be honest. If you deal with any of these issues, I hope you don't feel alone in it all.
Laura x | Follow

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